The musings of a girl who's a bit too eager to talk about anything and everything.

Monday, May 4, 2015

NEWS FLASH: Relationships Are Not Nicholas Sparks' Books.

10:24 AM Posted by Allie Wood No comments
As I'm sure you've probably heard me say before, "relationship goals" should not be a thing. No, I'm not saying not to have goals in your relationship. That's definitely a must. What I AM saying is: these pictures of some random couple or random date or a text message or whatever that are circulating with the caption "relationship goals" usually with some form of a heart-eyed emoji, should not be a thing.

All kinds people are basing how good or bad their relationships are on things like these.

Like, "omg #relationshipgoals" with a text message saying, "Hey, babe, what do you want from Starbucks? I'll be there in 20 minutes with it." Um, first off, believe it or not, Starbucks is not equal to love, no matter how good the drink may be.

Let me go off topic for a second and tell you about a great drink you should try if you do happen to be a Starbucks fan.
  • 1 vanilla bean frappuccino. (size of your choice, obviously, but I'll go with a tall. adjust pumps of flavor for size as necessary.)
  • 1 pump of toffee flavor
  • 1 pump of caramel
  • whipped cream
  • caramel drizzle if you're feeling that.
It tastes like Harry Potter butterbeer. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Okay, back to this post. 

Or these people who post pictures of other couples with #relationshipgoals or "they're so perf. Let me be them."
STOP IT. STOP THAT NONSENSE RIGHT NOW.
Repeat after me.
YOU CANNOT COMPARE YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO SOMEONE ELSE'S.
A little louder for the people in the back? Sure.
YOU CANNOT COMPARE YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO SOMEONE ELSE'S.

Let me explain why we cannot and should not do this. Every relationship is different. Every single one. My relationship with Brandon is going to be different than your relationship with your significant other in infinite ways. Our inside jokes are different. What type of dates we like to go on might be different.  The ways we say I love you are different. The ways we interact with each other are extremely different. A text from him saying, "Hey, want to hang out in the laundry room while I do my laundry after you get off work?" might mean a lot more to me than it ever would to you. You can't judge your relationship on someone else's. It's not healthy. You need to appreciate and improve on what you have, not think that your relationship isn't up to par because some girl's boyfriend got her a cute pair of shoes or concert tickets and you're thinking, "ugh, I wish my boyfriend did that for me," when maybe, just maybe, your boyfriend is trying to save up money to get something he knows will mean more to you than a new necklace or something. 

So, yeah, as much as we'd like to think Nicholas Sparks is going to write the script to our lives and come up with some fantastic love story, it's not ever going to happen. You're not going to be in a perfect relationship.You're most likely not going to end up making out with Ryan Gosling in that rain. Sorry, I guess? Love isn't always going to be rainbows and butterflies. Here's why.

  • You'll argue and fight. That's inevitable. No relationship is infallible. 
  • One of you will say something that offends the other, and it usually happens because something is misinterpreted. We're humans. We make mistakes.
  • Sometimes, they won't text you back and it's not because they hate you. They really are probably busy.
  • Sometimes, they might want a night with their friends. Again, it's not because they hate you. You're just not the only person in their life.
  • To be honest, they probably won't have a pouring-rain-make-out-session with you. It's cold and miserable, and your mascara isn't going to remain perfect like the girl in the movie. Trust me. Not as great as it seems.
  • You're not perfect. They're not perfect. You'll do things that will upset each other and you'll do things that won't. You just have to learn to balance it.

But, here's the thing. You have to understand that your significant other is trying. (Obviously, there are going to be relationships where they're not trying at all, and my advice to you if you find yourself in that situation, leave and find someone who cares enough for you to put the effort in. You deserve that.) Everyone shows effort in different ways. I don't show any effort the way my dad does, and my dad doesn't show it the way my mom does, and so on, so forth. So, please, stop judging the worth of your relationship on someone else's, I'm begging you. If I did that, my relationship would have ended before it even really began, and I wouldn't be happy with where I am in my relationship now. Yes, have relationship goals, but goals planning your future with your S.O., not goals of trying to make them act like some other person's significant other. That just causes unneeded strain and stress on a perfectly fine relationship. Love them for who they are, and they'll love you for you, and if they don't, find someone who will. I said before that you're not going to be in a perfect relationship, but you can make it the perfect relationship for you and the person you love. Not anyone else.

Last little thought.
I'm not going to completely discount #relationshipgoals. If you see a way of acting that you want, go find someone who's already like that. Don't try to change someone into something they're not.

"Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like 'struggle.' To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now."
- Fred Rogers